On an early morning after work

Not sure why, but i am feeling the emptiness in my life after work recently. Previously when I was preparing for CFA, I will be hoping that I can make it home early to study, but I failed to do that as work always end late during that period.

Now that CFA is over, work is still sending me home late as usual, I am feeling lost. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to do at home, but I don't want to just sleep. Honestly, I would like to know if it is just me, adjusting to a non-exam mode or is it that I am tired of my work.

Post coffee session:

I'm writing it down so that I can remember years later how bad I felt right now.

First, i am upset that for so much that I have done, I get nothing in the end. No recognition, be it title or monetary, not even the score on the appraisal.

Honestly, I believe that I have done beyond what an OA should be doing; but still, you feel that I'm not ready for promotion. Could you list down the criteria to be an SOA. Honestly, I do not really care about the promotion, as i am more concern with the other segment. I think the company need to understand that every team works differently, in term of strength and workload. The same set of bellcurve/benchmark cannot be applied to all. 

I used to be happy that I am in our team, for the bond we built and the comfy environment that we created for each other. But now, I feel that I would be better off in other team. I am disappointed that you are still grouping me together with people who joined months after me, given all the extra stuff I have done. It is not as though that those work that I have done are invisible, they are in fact measurable and very much significance. 

I do understand that you are only the middleman, and that you are just conveying messages. I am upset that for all the hard work done, you are still classifying us based on our length of services. 

Like I have said in the meeting, I do not feel right/comfortable that we are teaching someone who is earning more than myself.  And as suggest, I could have quit now and rejoined the co and I would be able to earn more than how much I am earning right now, for all the relevance skills I have. 

Honestly, idk if I should still be thankful for the opportunity given to me as an OA. Those exposure were not something that I would expect a year ago. I worked hard on it in hope for a better appraisal score. But no, that's not what I get. Maybe I should have voice it out earlier, but does it help?

I have prepared myself for an outcome which might not be fully satisfying. But this is too far fetch. Pardon me for that, it might be a Farewell. 

Changed the layout of this blog, it looks more like my dairy now. Oh well, that's the whole purpose of starting this blog and still keeping it till now.

Looking back at my older posts, I see that the style and content of my posts changed.
I used to post about my daily life, like what I do after schools, who did I meet and etc. Those seems so childish and meaningless now. Not like others is interested in knowing what am i engaging with after classes?! HAHA but those were the trend back then, cause we didnt have fb/ig, we cant checked in and etc. Imagine we have all those during our secondary school days, things will definitely be different. OMG, I am reading through my older posts, and I am shocked by all those that I wrote! *Insert shocking face* Shall removed archive too~


Cant help but to continue reading whatever I have posted previously, so I shall end here.


BYE~

Untitled

So much things to share, but too bad I have no time.

Not at my best mood today. Having too much thoughts.

Shall share it when I have the time.

To be honest, I am deeply affected by these incident.

First, am I being objective when I made those comments? Everyone has their own working style, so long as they can complete everything in time, the process does not matter.

Though that being said, I still feel for my comments. I do not understand why that rec must be done after the other when it has the earliest SLA, assuming that the SLA of the other is later. Fine, even if both of the recs have the same SLA, I am sure that the data are still incomplete at 2.30PM. If so, why do the other rec first when data is fully in for the first rec? The goal for the team daily is to have everything deliver on time. By allocating your time effectively, you would be able to ensure that not just one, but all of your recs are out on time. Imagine this, or rather do not imagine, it happened. There was an issue with the statements on one of the days. And because you started doing the recs late, you only managed to discover it later and can only tackle it then. And what was the reason for the delay again? Feed issue, manual matching? People will be questioning why is the other similar recs which use the same statements are out, but not yours. Get it?

And yeah right, fuck my problem. It is indeed none of my problem, which is why I did not approach you regarding this. Honestly, if the same thing is happening to someone else in the team, I would definitely tell them about it. Too bad that it is YOU. I am astonished that those comments flowed to you, and I am sorry that it upsets your weekends. My mood got screwed by your comments too. So ya, I will do some reflection regarding gossiping about people. Actually what is worrying more is the fact that you have the thinking of leaving, or is 'stopping' a better word? I am not very sure about what you really mean by that, but I truly and sincerely hope that I would not be the reason for your depart. I am afraid that it will put the team management in a spot.

I will just pretend to not know about the entire thing and behave as per normal going forward. I shall also not share it with anyone else in the office unless necessary. Kind of hard, but I will try. Maybe I am getting too comfortable with the company and the environment that I am cutting slack on my on stage self. I guess it is time to find back the old Ethel who joined 12 months ago, who do not judge others cause she herself does not know much. Is that possible?

On a side note, thanks for making me realize that not everyone is on my side. My current workpalce is not that innocent afterall. Thank you.

Ethel

Maybe it is a sign. A sign that signals me to stop and change.

I am getting way too comfortable with that area that I am displaying my off-stage self. That wouldnt be a problem 12 months ago.

So now, it's either I change, to the old me, or I go and restart an on-stage image.

I think, I have Lost myself again. 

The beginning of a new chapter..

One of my bestest buddies just left the company (for good)... 

I thought I won't be very much affected by that until now, his very last day. He would not be there tomorrow when I report to work. The feeling is terrible. I know it will soon become a norm to me, especially in this company, but these being the first time that I have to accept someone leaving, someone so close to me, I am feeling down. 

I was reluctant to go home after work just now, cause I have so much words to say, but I just can't seems to spell it out in his face. 

Being from the same induction group, we are (in a way) dependent on each other in the beginning. Then slowly, I'm dependent on him, cause he is always ready to help me out. So thankful for him being my induction mate, team mate and one of the team buddies!

I wonder how will my work life without him be like, though there are other run legs readily available. For a long while in my life, I feel that I am being taken care of by all the guys in my team. Though they are saying that I'm forcing them to run all the errands for me, the true is they don't mind helping me out. I'm feeling really fortunate to know so many of them and have them staying by me. I know it would be hard to find another of the same brunch of you, so I will certainly cherish what is around me now. 

Ethel 

Sum up of 2014

2014 is coming to an end, and I got inspired to write a summary of this year. Actually it is good to take some time off and reflect on what had happened and the things that I have Achieved. 

I started off the year as a final year undergrad, and I am glad to graduate with good grades. My parents were never there for my past academic achievements due to the nature of their job. Thus I was determine to do well in my final year and leave no regret. I do not want to see myself regretting not having studied hard enough like how I did after A's. I'm glad that I managed to clichéd good results and for the very first time, my mother is able to watch me going into the stage live. Honestly, I can't wait for convocation next year, where both of my parents would be present. Thanks for all these years, it's repaying time! 

Final year of studies was one of the better academic years as I get to socialize at least once per week! With the 3hours lectures which resembles more like a tutorial and the 25mins lunches, I'm really feeling like a true blue university student. I'm grateful for the effort of the people who I met in SIM, for keeping in contact with me. Honestly, I might be full of energy outside, bubbly and all, but once I'm home, I'm a just a zai nu. It is rare that I will initial a talk with anyone unless I'm in that mood. So, really thanks for bugging me and suggest a meetup every once in a while. 

 One of my new year wishes was to get a job before I even graduate from the school, though that did not happened, I still managed to find one relatively fast. I was being humble when I was in search for jobs since I'm from SIM, but I landed myself in a place where it is beyond my expectations! I'm really thankful for that!😊😊 Though I got into a hiong team, where OT-Ing is like a norm daily, I'm still grateful to be in this team. I can't imagine myself to JZM all the while the entire day, I'm here to learn &work, not here to lepak (though some leisure time is preferred:p). The team split is certainly a good way to lessen our workload, and I can see myself having longer lunch outside daily now! A lot of people are pretty envious of me, cause I seems happy at work. Oh well, work can be stressful at times, but the environment balance it out. Because it's a rather big company, you will get to interact with new people daily, provided that u are outgoing la. And with the high turnover, there will be new people coming in before you are bored with the existing batch. So ya~

Another takeaway from work is a bunch of nice people who clicked on extremely well with me. I believe that cause this is most of our first job, being innocent and all, we tend to go all out in making friends. Fortunely, everyone is really nice, not that many scheming people around! Those days of induction, batch lunches, d&d and random drinking sessions together, I LOVE IT ALL!  I doubt I will be able to make friends that clicked with me that well at my next workplace. I'm really thankful for all of you! I'm not leaving yet, just saying! And thanks to all of your & d&d, my party side is being let out. Oops! Hahah

Towards the end of year, i went Korea again. I think I can totally write a travel guide now since I'm so familiar with that place. Visited many places which I didn't have the change to the previous time. However, Korea failed to attract me like the first time, maybe cause there was no drinking session this time round; but being there during early winter is still a brand new experience! The freaking cold weather, having to wear several layers each day, the urge to stay home daily cus of the heater at home, this is winter! Experience snow quite a few times during the trip that it became a norm thing, we are no longer exclaiming about the fact that it's snowing! 

All and all, it might not be the best trip I have till date, but it is good break away from work. God knows how many weeks in consecutive have I been doing OT and will only be home after 12 prior to my trip. 

I will be envied of people who get to travel around the world, visiting different places and all, but i do not really fancy the thought of myself doing all the travelling, cause it will means spending away my savings. Though I still have zero plan of what to do with them, the thought of splurging them hurt. Hahahaha typical Asian. That's why I do not mind travel for work, cause the expenses will be taken care of. 

Despite saying that, I might still be seen going to nearby countries next year! Oh well, contradiction at its best. 

I think the above pretty much sum up my 2014. Hopefully 2015 will be a good year as well! 

Best regards,

HP, 2014

I have been confirmed!

Back to blogging again.. 

First up, I got the JOB! Woohoo! 

Oh well, I thought I would be extremely happy when I am to receive the confirmation letter, but sad to tell, I was like oh-to-the-Kay! My happiness was still at the peak when I got my results! Ahem.. Anw, there were only freaking 3 lines in the letter, which was totally unexpected of. I do understand that there is nothing much to write besides saying that you have been confirmed, but I worked hard for 3 months and that's all I get? Yes, suck it up bitch! #expectingtoomuch oh well, at least they printed your name on the letter and gave you a physical letter rather than an email. LOL

Now that I'm confirmed, work life goes on! I'm getting increasing 没大没小to my buddy, who will be promoted next month. But I'm glad that he don't really mind, and we have numerous funny moments together!!! Like really funny.. (Recalling all the hilarious conversation we had, LOL) I am now rather close with everyone on the team, except my bosses, and woohoo got appointed as the social committee head within 3 months leh! It's just an imaginary designation by my senior who got married recently! And I was invited too! Too bad, I didn't have the chance to take pht with her on that day~ Hais!! Anyway, I'm just trying to say that it is not really a big deal being appointed as the social committee head.

I was telling my work friends how I feel as though I'm heading to school daily when I'm actually going to work. I'm fitting in nicely into the company culture and all, which is a good thing! I'm doing more or less the same tasks recently, but everyday is not like yesterday. You could be completing everything early today, but u will only be done later than the estimated time the next. And it is becoming a taboo between us to talk about how's your day is in the early part of the day now, cause you will just jinx it! #freakingtrue Many are saying that you love your job a lot har? Hmm, how should I say it? Not bad, I would say.. I'm that kind of person who would enjoy whatever I am doing, so ya lor. Just like How I had enjoyed going school when I'm in SIM. The only few days per weeks where I get to interact with people beyond my comfort zone. 

I'm getting more and more vulgar now, and I think it is norm when u started working? It's really the best word to express your feelings at time. Just like when I was hungry, and my friend at work teased/said something which idk what to answer, I will just look at him and Fuck la. LoL. Hahaha I'm thankful for them all being guys, who wouldnt mind me scolding them off like that. I'm like the youngest there afterall. 

I shall end it off here.. Oh well, kinda long, haha!

The childish side of me!! *warning: unsuitable for mature readers

Though some may think that I am rather mature and independent, there is still a childish side of me which is hidden. 

I would hope for fairy-tale like situations to happen in my day to day life. Here are the lists:

1. Someone to offer me a plaster when I'm seen limping ard the office due to my uncomfortable wedges/heels which caused blister.

2. Be a good terms with some big shots and tell CV that how much he/she wants me to be on their team.

3. Arrive at the office to see a bouquet of flower/gift on my desk that says 'from your secret admirer'.

4. To receive a big bouquet of flower and then tell the person who gave me that that I'm allergy to pollen. LOL

5. To make my existence known in the office, such that people who I'm zero interaction with know my name! (DONE! Woohoo) 

6. To know a boyfriend who pretended to be average but turn out to be rich man son! 

7. Get a foreigner BF, but he is willing to learn Chinese for my sake. 

And the lists go on... I will add in more when I thought of it. *wink

Just a little bit more on work

Work is just as mentioned previously, nothing changed, except the fact that my probation is ending, like real soon. I have left the thought of passing or failure behind me long ago, and am enjoying every moment I am with my team. 

Whether I clear the probation anot, here are my achievements for the past months:

1. Established myself as a INFO BANK (EIB) oh well, I'm simply too observant that I know a lot of things that happened in the office.

2. I was appointed as the social committee head for the team. For the same reason as above, my collegues are saying that my radar is way too strong to be true.

3. Get closer with my teammates that I can joke around with them every now and then while working.

4. Know a bunch of people, their official name is batchmates, but truth is, they are my FRIENDS! Lunchmates too!

5. Made my existence known in the company, as the manager of other teams recognise me. 

6. My excel skills improve tremeously; and i can now do typing on the keyboard now as though I'm playing piano. LOL

 

7. And many more, which are more technical and all..

Oh well, I nvr meant to write about work, but since I did, so be it.

Ethel

Procrastination over~

There is plenty of thoughts recently, I have been trying to pen it down, but the mood is just not there to complete the post. 

Oh well, the mood is back, I should be completing the post now~

HP

RESULTS IS OUT AND I GRAD!

I achieved my dream results.

I was surprised by my results which were released a few days(weeks ago by the time I complete this post). Though I was kind of hoping that it will turn out well, I was still blown away at the moment when my results finish loading on my tablet. I was literally trembling and I'm not joking.

There is just too many whom helped me in one way or another throughout for my UOL journey.

First of all, my parents. They are definitely not approving of me going to SIM, but that's where my results can bring me to. #suckstobeme(back then) Nonetheless, they financed me throughout. Though they have been saying that I will be the one who will be benefiting from my academic achievement, so I should work hard for myself; Little did they know that all i wish is for them to be proud of me. Hence, they are always my motivation of studying harder and aiming high, even if it means to touch the sky. I mean how else can you better repay your parents' financial support throughout your life other than making their every cents spent worthwhile. So, THANKYOU PAPA & MAMA!

Next up would definitely be FRIENDS. Be it those who went SIM together me with from JC, or those I met during my UNI life(though there is not many), they are definitely the essentials, esp during the freshmen year. I am glad that we were so mature that we didn't choose the same module just to get accompanion for classes. The sharing of SIM important updates and reminders, though I am the one who did the job most of the times, but ya.. Thanks for bursting my little bubble during my freshmen year by telling me how below average my results were, and that I should work ever harder to match up with you guys. Thanks for bombarding my WA with all sort of questions the day before exam to make me nervous and was thinking: SHIT, IDK ALL THOSE STUFF!!! T.T 

My UNI life may not be as HAPPENING as the others, but the presence of ALL of you have certainly BEAUTIFY my UNI life to the MAXIMUM. THANKYOU.

Why is our convocation so far away from now? I would probably forget all this happiness when the time comes. Oh well, who cares. I am still gonna do the renting of gown, forced a couple of two and Tada, we are attending the convocation together!!

The final line before ending:我们真的毕业🎓了！

HP

My life with a job, a little cash and many friends

I have a few minutes to spare and so am here to share a little of my thoughts.

Knowing that I am from SIM, despite holding a UOL degree, getting a job would be hard. So, I have actually lowered my wish list during my job hunting. 

I guess my mum is right, just let nature take its course. To be honest, I was not expecting a positive reply when I emailed my resume to the company, I cannot even believe that I got the job eventually. And it was until yesterday then I realized that this job actually fits my job wish list perfectly. It is an MNC; not underpaying me; finance industry; good culture and environment. So ya, what else can I ask for?! Having a group of batchmates who is there to love, hate and share sorrow with, it is a bonus!! That's why I'm afraid of losing it, it has became something really important for me. Some may say that we can always find another job, but then I'm not the kind with good job hunt luck.

Anw, the other thing which I want to share is that this job makes me realise who are my REAL friends. Due to my unusual working hours (which I like it a lot), I can't really meet up with them on usual dinner time. I can only arrive at late 8 or 9pm, and that is provided that I am able to complete my tasks on time. I am really thankful of them for accommodating to my working hours and place, and arranged to meetup near my work place! And I'm also thankful of your for arranging a meetup cause of the need of it and not for other reasons. Kamsa! Love your much! 

Alright, that is it for nowww! I am praying for the best for everything in my life.

The fear of losing something (which seems) dearest to me

A few consecutive incidents that happened within a day had made me realize that the job i am holding now is not completely mine, yet, I am still under probation.

Maybe this is my first formal job, I have always thought that probation can be cleared easily; the possibility of failing one is low, till one of my colleagues left. I was rather traumatize by that, and became very very conscious when I am delivering my tasks late (cause it is part of my goals to deliver on time) . I am sincerely hoping that I would be able to clear my probation and celebrate the 4th PD and so on with my fellow batch mates. Praying hard nowww!

Putting that fear asides, the company's policy to filter employees through probation shows that they are only interested in people who can contribute. And they are really hiring people based on trust, so hiding and lying to the firm about your education or employment history will do you no good. They will just terminate your employment soon after you join. Pardon my mistake for seeing you as desperate company for people, you are just being nice to give everyone who come by a chance.

I was feeling kinda down recently, but I am thankful for those who were there and will continue to be there for me, to listen to my rants daily, to hear me saying alien languages and still pretend to understand. Cant be more thankful to the existence of these people, especially when i am staying away from home. I guess I am gonna rise above all this and give my best at work daily Hopefully I will leave the company with no regret if I am told to. But I am just saying, please do not ask me to leave, I really love the company and job! T.T

Okay, my thoughts are more or less written down and cleared from my mind, so it is time to sleep! Woohoo, gonna start afresh tomorrow! Hwaiting :)

Ethel

Induction 07/01/2014, our paths crossed.

Taking my first annual leave from work in my life despite not having doing proper work for the past 1.5weeks.

I was on training for the past 1.5weeks, and reporting at 930am to the office daily feel the same as going to school not long ago. I didn't dread of going school or office, instead I'm looking forward to it. Looking forward to the chance to interact with people, be it colleagues, batch mates and am interested to know what is gonna happen for the rest of the day... Haha maybe it was just me who feels that way, but I really enjoyed myself ever since I started working. Well, perhaps I will change my opinion after my first month end! We shall see. 

Anyway, my batch mates and I sort of prefer to describe our life in the company as enrolling in NS. Hence yesterday was our POP. Lol, it was the end of our induction, and we will be dispersed to different corners of the office. It was pretty surprising to see how much we have bonded on the week(s). Perhaps the age gap between us is small?! However, just by looking at how we do not pick to sit beside any specific person over lunch, and be able to talk to whoever that is present at your table, I think we guys really know each other well. 

We had a dinner gathering after induction yesterday and though we are missing of 3 persons, it was awesome!! I really didn't expect this when I first joined the company; I was hoping for some partners for lunch when I signed the contract and it turned out to be better than I had expect. 

I am really thankful for you guys! :) Looking forward to the next batch outing or induction! Meanwhile, let's work hard, chill hard and play hard (in the pantry) together. Oh bond well with your various teams too! Lastly please think of me on 'beer and chips' day! *wink 

For work, I'm no longer HuiPin, but Ethel. No matter my name, my (pretend) extrovert characteristics remain. 

Ethel 

Weeks into working

I'm not sure what to do at this point of time, and so I thought of blogging.

I did mentioned at my previous post that I had found a job, and I started on 16 June.

There was a total of 7 new hires for OA, and I am really thankful for their existence. They were not just my lunchmates when I got 'neglected' by my team on the first day, they are also my help desk.  This week, we are having our induction and finally we had the chance to have lunch together in full strength plus a few others! And one thought strikes me today. We are intersecting with each other in the current part of our life, and after this, we will be parted. Fate allows us to meet, to know each other and work together, and I find it very amazing! Oh well, maybe thinking too much, but ya.

Anyway, work is tough and complicating when I were to join the team without induction. Knowing nothing, even performing shortcuts on excel spreadsheet can be complicating. Not to mention doing a proper rec.  Now then I realised why big firms only want to hire SMART ASS. If you are not smart, you cannot really help them. Everybody will be busy with their own tasks, meeting due time and all, they can't be there to help u out all the time, leave alone coaching!

But I do need to confess that I am taking some of things for granted. I have to admit that my buddy is being really kind and helpful, helping me out with small small issues, which I thought was nothing, but it turns out to be pretty useful and essential! Really need to thank him for that! My fellow colleagues are a bunch very nice people who are constantly giving me advice and helping me out! Thank you!! Despite you guys being very hiong at work, ignoring all the extra activities that were held at the office, we are amazing in our way. I was surprised by the birthday surprise given to new hire and those activities that the team is doing for team outing!

Oh well, none of them is going to see this post, but I shall just write it for myself as a memory (is it a correct word to use? Well, as long as I got my idea across! #whyusechimvocab)

My life is going on track now, and i will continue on with this road for awhile more before making small changes at a time. I am living up to my motto of enjoying every moment to the fullest! So yippee!!!!

Lol
HP

JOB HUNT IS OVER!

I GOT A JOB! And it is not some random job which wants me yet I have zero interest with. This job falls nicely into one of the many career paths that I have planned for myself. Yes, I do have many career paths planned, and the reason being I do not want to be restricted. When it comes to job searching, it is not entirely about what you want do ONLY. It is the intersection of what you want and where you can go with your experience coupled with market demand. Though some of my interviewers said that you must know exactly which path you want to go, the path that you want may not want you or you may not be suitable for it! So my advice is to open up your windows and embrace yourself with all the choices.

Despite having many career paths crafted out, you will realise that those paths will be narrowed down into a few catogies. At least it was the case for me. My career paths was being narrowed down into two (very different) industries. So during my job search, I look out fo jobs for these two paths and was about to settle down into either one when the opportunity comes. 

One important issue is that you must know where do you hope you will be in 5 or 10 years time. For me, I sorted out that one of my Paths is not as feasible as it will lead me to nowhere 5-10 years down the road, so I just dropped that out from my list.

Well, not like I have plenty of experience in this issue, but I just want to share what I really feels. 

Heading for work like a OL. Ending off.

HP

Wedding photos <3

Attended several weddings recently, and have seen plenty of wedding photos. Beautiful were all the photos, but they do not possess the correct vide of what I hope my wedding photos should have. 

It was until I was wasting my time exploring ig today that I found the vide that I was looking for - Koreanish wedding photo! Not sure if it was because it was in trend, or is it because I'm into Korean stuff now, those wedding photos blown me off~

Hopefully, when I'm getting married, my potential husband will have the capability of allowing us to indurge in such luxurious pre-wedding activity! It's once in my life time thing, so It must be done up nicely, right?! I hope that I would not have to settle for the usual stuff that most people do, but it is totally not to my liking.

Well~ not like I will be getting married soon, or I will be taking those photos in advance. But ya, feel free to browse their ig and experience the happiness of getting married!! 

To those who just got married, HAPPY MARRIAGE!! *heart heart* 

HP

😘😘